My First Expatriate "Honey Do" List

With Lindsay headed back to the airport in a couple hours to participate in the nuptials of Melissa, her best friend from childhood (if there are other childhood friends reading this, deal with it), I thought I'd provide a quick update on my plans over the next ten or so days while she's gone....

• Take two 3-day weekends
• Watch the Germany/Argentina World Cup match from the airport Radisson (actually a lot less depressing than it sounds) 
• Attend the U.S. embassy's Fourth of July celebration 
• Travel someplace in India for the non-holiday weekend; the probable destination is Dharamshala, exiled home of the Dalai Lama 
• Some sort of time at the pool 
• Order pizza online (which to a non-Hindi speaking foreigner is approximately seventeen times easier than trying to place an order over the phone) 
• Start those Hindi lessons back up on Rosetta Stone 
• Conduct a scientific experiment with respect to the tap water quality in our apartment 
• Repeat that same experiment with repsect to the filtered water in our apartment (not sure I want the results to this) 
• If time allows, journey alone into old Delhi (note, "alone" includes the assistance of my trusty driver, Kailish) 

Yep, it's going to be an exciting (and potentially busy) few days. Oh yeah, and congratulations Melissa!

Top 10 Ways You Know It's Hot in India

WARNING: Portions of this post will be plagiarized by ESPN.com's Rick Reilly in the event he ever visits India in the summer.

In other words, it's predictable and basically writes itself. And yes, I recognize what follows is basically a Letterman Top 10 List; but that seemed better than copying Jeff Foxworthy and creating a "You might be hot if...." routine. Without further ado, here are the Top 10 Ways You Know It's Hot in India.

(10) You haven't been to the pool in weeks.

(9) Rather than allowing your red wine to breathe, you allow it to come down to an acceptable temperature  by refrigerating it a few minutes before consumption.

(8) You hear the constant buzz of vuvuzelas. Oh wait, sorry about that, I got slightly confused with the 1st, 4th, and 10th things Rick Reilly would predictably change about the World Cup (I have no qualms linking to his article, not exactly a lot of free publicity coming from this site).

(7) There's no need use the geyser in the bathroom for a hot shower.

(6) Your driver greets you in the morning with, "It's hot".

(5) The peanut butter in the cupboard has the consistency of honey.

(4) The undershirts in your closet have that same comfy feel as when you remove them from the dryer.

(3) You seriously consider weekend trips to locations in the heart of monsoon season.

(2) You think you feel a cool breeze, check the temperature, and realize it's still 91 degrees. At 10pm in the evening.

And the number one reason you know it's hot in India (yep, totally stealing from Letterman)....

You constantly think about ways to draw comparisons for folks at home between the actual Indian summer and the racially biased yet infinitely more pleasant "Indian summer" of your midwestern American youth (I'm not sure exactly how Reilly would tie this in, but it's a fairly safe assumption he'd save it for the number one position).

I'm almost ashamed I created this list. Almost.

It's Not So Foreign Here

I had the opportunity to watch the Holland/Japan game with our Dutch neighbors yesterday. They claimed to be novice soccer fans so I felt I might fit in; however, once the game started they seemed to know all the players by names and the sordid private details of their strikers' lives (apparently the strikers appear more in the tabloids than those playing defense). It was a good game, though Japan's style of play effectively killed the viewing enjoyment in the first half. Other than that, I must admit it was a little odd to see my cook playing with their baby in the background throughout the game (we found our cook because she's their nanny so it really shouldn't have seemed strange).

After the game, we had a long, casual dinner with varied topics. The thing that got me to think the most (other than the fact I learned Samoa recently changed from driving on the right side of the road to the left side of the road to better coordinate with Australia and New Zealand) was that I now believe it's relatively easier to be an American expat than an expat from another country.

The reason for this is not deep at all; in fact, it's fairly basic. All around me, whether driving on the streets or shopping in stores, there are signs of America: McDonald's, Tommy Hilfiger, Budwesier, Pizza Hut, even TGI Friday's. While it can easily be argued that those images have varying degrees of importance in American society, they are still familiar symbols that one can easily identify with. The same holds true in the grocery store, where many of the imported products are imported from the U.S. If I want Skippy peanut butter, I can get it in three or four varieties (sadly, Jif isn't available). You pay a price, but it's here.

For the Dutch? EVERYTHING is foreign here (except Heineken). At least when I'm paying INR 250 for a small jar of peanut butter, I know what I'm getting and paying a premium for a small piece of home. For them? It's just an expensive jar of foreign peanut butter.

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Other random things I learned yesterday:

• The announcers of the Holland/Japan game mentioned a connection between Holland and South Africa with this paraphrased quote, "The Dutch have some history in this country; 300 years ago Holland conquered South Africa."
• The country of Holland fields a world-class soccer team from a population base that is equivalent to the states of Illinois and Iowa.
• Children's clothing is outrageously expensive in India; unwittingly confirmed by Lindsay after her day of shopping and a birthday purchase for our niece.
• When Lindsay doesn't want me to know how much money she spends shopping, she switches between currencies when listing how much she spent on various items to throw me off her trail. It doesn't work.
• Samoa's decision to switch which side they drive on the road was the first such switch since the 1970's. Sweden was the last such country. Not the country I would have guessed.
• The Prime Minister of Samoa likes to wear flip-flops.