Ozone Fitness Center for the Audibly Unimpaired

Nearly three months after the renovations to the gym were scheduled to be complete (yes, there was a sign posted saying that the mess and noise were regretted but should only last another week; however, that sign was posted in mid-May), they finished up this morning with the installation of the weight equipment. Being the early bird that I've become, when I arrived at 10:15am the installation was not complete. No worries as I hadn't planned on the "Strength" room being open. I was there today to focus on "Cardio" (to alleviate confusion, the two rooms are actually labeled as such). I decided to check the new "Strength" equipment just to make sure it had been worth the wait.

It was. But what struck me upon entering the room wasn't the sparkling new equipment. It was the utter tranquility that the room. After months of frustration with the generally accepted sound level of the Indian gym, the trainers were busy testing the new equipment to the unexpected soothing sounds of traditional Indian music at a respectable, if not even quiet, level. Here was a room where I could workout and actually listen to an iPod without sneering at the nearest employee or shrugging inconsolably when the bass started thumping.

Of course, when I went to "Cardio" it was business as usual, so I'm guess that soothing traditional Indian music at a respectable level which would enable a customer to listen to their own music of choice on a personal device is a pleasure reserved only for product testing.

Grumpy Old Man or Savvy Investor?

If you're looking for sound investment advice, you might want to consider looking into companies that manufacture or research the development of auditory aids. There is an ever-expanding cohort of young Indian professionals that will be requiring their services in the next fifteen to thirty years. Don't believe me? Head to the top floor of any mall in Gurgaon on a weekend and follow the music.

Saturday night we had the opportunity to attend a work celebration for one of the teams in Lindsay's group. There was nothing formal about the evening, it was really just a social gathering for the team to celebrate an accomplishment. We arrived fashionably early, or around fifteen minutes after the scheduled start time, and there were probably only ten or fifteen other people there. When we walked into the club, the DJ was already spinning ear-splitting remixes in a near empty atmosphere. Without people filling a confined space, loud music seems even more out of place to me. The fact that I walked into the party with a pre-existing headache certainly didn't help matters. Regardless, Lindsay and I didn't even attempt to talk. There was simply no point to verbal communication. As people arrived and the club started to fill, they invariably introduced themselves to the lone westerners. I dutifully shook their hand, smiled, nodded, and mouthed, "I'm John....yes, John....very nice to meet you", but I have no idea what their names are. Of course, as the club started to fill, the music didn't seem incrementally softer, so my "empty confined spaces are louder than full confined spaces" theory was quickly shot to the wind.

If you think I sound like a grumpy old man that can't believe those crazy kids would treat their future health with such ill regard, I again suggest you head to the to top floor of any mall in Gurgaon on a weekend, follow the music, stick around for a couple songs, and come back and read this post again. There's a greater difference between "decibel level at a typical concert" and "decibel level in an Indian night club" than there is between "decibel level of jet turbine" and "decibel level in an Indian night club".

Ozone Fitness Center for the Audibly Impaired

I’m not exactly a fan of loud noise, which can be problematic in a country like India. It becomes particularly problematic when you enter the subculture of the typical Indian health club. For reasons unbeknownst to me, the general consensus seems to be that it would be impossible to get one’s self in shape with anything less than the music pumping and thumping at or above concert level volumes. This is very much the case at our gym, Ozone. Even with an iPod Shuffle, it’s not uncommon for me to ask an employee to turn the music down if the gym isn’t crowded (because who am I to impact the listening enjoyment of too many other people). Of course, the “quiet time” lasts for all of five or six minutes before someone else just turns the music back to its original level.

The gym is divided into two separate rooms, aptly and concisely labeled “Strength” and “Cardio”, that are joined by a corridor. The music was pumping as usual in the “Cardio” room, but there was actually a step aerobics class taking place so there was very little I could do. About halfway through my workout, a gentleman in the front corner of the class decided he needed to make a loud sneezing sound each time he stepped up. It was kind of like each time Serena Williams grunts when hitting a tennis ball, only three times more annoying and seven times more frequent. Suffice to say, my patience was running low by the time I hit the “Strength” room. Again, the music was thumping, louder than I’d ever heard. To make matters worse, there was actually a DJ in the room, at the music console, sifting through CD’s (mind you, it’s only 10am at this point). I lasted about eight minutes in the room before I could take no more. I walked to the front desk and made my displeasure known. As you’d expect here, he (1) seemed genuinely surprised that the music was too loud and (2) made a move to have it fixed right away, because as everyone knows the only way to fix a problem is to overreact.  On the bright side, at least both I and the guy promising to make the change knew it was a temporary promise that was ultimately also an empty one.

After receiving the empty promise, I went to locker room to get cleaned up to go to work. One really nice thing about the locker room is that the central hot water supply is infinitely better than the geyser system we have at the apartment. The other thing I realized this week about the locker room is a service I’ve yet to be offered. If you set your bag out of the locker, the locker room attendant will literally get your things out of your gym bag for you and set on the bench, thus minimizing the time required to get ready in the morning. It’s also a prime example of how little tolerance there is to actually perform manual tasks. In fact, I think the other members look at me strange for taking items out of my own bag; it’s either that or because I’m typically the only Westerner there.

All things considered, the gym is actually very nice, modern, and clean. The equipment is in good shape and outside of the music, I really have no complaints. The only other quirk is that the place closes on Monday, almost like it’s a country club. Obviously, I’m not going to use the place seven days a week, but I’ve never heard of a health club that closes for an entire day. Not surprisingly, each week when they open, it’s crowded on Tuesday and generally sees fewer and fewer people throughout the week; basically, the same effect we have in the U.S. around the first of the year, it’s just a little faster cycle in India.